Waiting.

When I first started this blog, I knew I wanted to share a piece of my life with whoever happened upon it, hopefully make them smile, maybe laugh, maybe think. I loved the idea of the blogging world, of making friends who stick around even if you may have never met in person. I wanted my stories and thoughts to be personal, without over-sharing. It's a fine line to walk! So sitting here in the hospital, I've wanted to share pieces of this experience, but it has been hard to decide how much to share. I wanted this blog to be all about the HAPPY things, and it will be, I promise. But here's what's really going on.

Today is Tuesday. I've been here since Friday. I feel MUCH better now than when I came in! The problem is, I have to have surgery so that this won't keep happening. No problem, I can handle that. We knew that was the deal this time. But the more they keep trying to plan my surgery, the more puzzle pieces they find. I am a walking ball of random medical issues, most of which usually only happen to obese 80 year old chain smokers! The good news is that they are finding ways to fix all the issues I've been having for the past 3 years, the BEST news is that this could all allow me to feel better than EVER and really be the mom and wife I have been wanting to be for years... the bad news is it means bigger surgery. So the surgeons discuss, and I wait. Wait for consults, wait for a surgery date, wait to find out the final word, wait for my family to visit, wait till I can take a sleeping pill and go to sleep and start another day of waiting. I can't eat, I can't leave, I miss my boys and my husband and my puppy so much it hurts... it is awful.

BUT. For some reason, whenever I end up in here, some kind of compartmentalizing reflex kicks in, and I can put all the bad stuff in a box in my head, and just not think about it. (I always have a breakdown day full of crying when I get out though) I am the most cheerful patient my nurses have ever seen. Really! And I don't even have to force it! I'm stuck here anyway, might as well make the best of it, right? So I paint my toenails, go for walks, make my nurses laugh, work on a "thank you" afghan for Stephen's professor, and try to make the most of this free time.  (My blogging tools. I love my iPad but it won't let me mess with pictures, and the laptop is ooooold, so it lets me do pictures but is super slow!)

My mom is the greatest. She's visiting this week, conveniently, and staying with one of her brothers. His wife has a cookbook collection that I envy like crazy. So what does my mom do? She brought me a stack of cookbooks to look at while I'm here!! You'd think that would be torture, with the not-eating and all, but actually, it is awesome. This blog is my therapy. YOU guys(gals!) are my therapy :) When I am thinking about food, and recipes, and writing, I don't have to think about how scary this all is, how long it will take me to recover, what my boys are doing. Thank you for existing, my readers. You give me a great reason to stay positive. Back to the cookbooks.

Martha Stewart, eh. She tends to be overly fancy for me. Williams Sonoma Comfort Food?? Heck yes! Lets add that to my wishlist!! The Meatball Shop, fun. Baked Explorations? Gorgeous. But this little beauty is my favorite.

I fell in love at first sight, and Mom bought it for me!! I can't wait for it to get here!! (I'm not going to talk about it now though, it gets it's own post :)
Stephen and my Mom made some ridiculously awesome Chocolate Cupcakes last night, so that will be my next recipe post! Until then, thanks for keeping me happy!

PS-I don't mind answering questions about all this medical stuff, just didn't want to over-share from the beginning :)